Conversation between mother and daughter about marriage

The large numbers of Muslim girls who had earlier come here for higher education had dwindled rapidly, and the upper caste Telangana Hindu gentry that was now sending its sons here was not sending its girls. In my Department of Mathematics, we were three girls to maybe fifty boys. It was not easy to be a girl on the campus. Parents at home and the ruling masculine ethos at college meant that the girl was responsible for any issues.

I have never been molested or harassed in Delhi—beyond catcalling on the roads, I have never been pawed or groped on the buses or the metros—and I have travelled on these on a regular basis. College [for an undergraduate student in Delhi University DU is illiberal. I do not know if it is the case all over India, but it was certainly the case with me.

We are treated like children, our views not respected or considered. Nor were the girls to be locked into their blocks after ten pm. In hindsight, I wonder how such a demand could have been implemented in the first place—it was so full of contradictions.

We have two entrances—both guarded all day, unguarded only when they are locked from ten in the night to six in the morning. GR We learnt to survive in that atmosphere [OU] because education was precious to us, and also learnt to fight, because personhood, even if one was a woman, was no less important, and these were the heady days of the feminist movement. Heady, because it was really only in the head, one had to be so careful outside there.

My heroines when I was in college were Satyamma Srinath because she drove a scooter from her house in Tarnaka to Reddy College where she taught and Vanaja Iyengar who taught maths in our Department, and smoked with ease in the staff room.

A little later, they were joined as heroines by Veena Shatrugna and Rama Melkote because they wore sleeveless blouses. Writing this, I sense how funny it may seem today when women drive scooters and cars and wear a whole range of clothes, but in those days, these were women who were different and proclaimed their difference in public, not inside the four walls of their homes.

I am engrossed in my studies, and ambitions, and am usually blithely unconscious of the beautiful actress on the billboards and on televisions and magazine covers, simply because I encounter her so little.

It withered. Anything that hinders such a goal is not to be stood for. Women in the university are controlled to a terrifying extent. They have no flexibility of movement—wishing to stay away from your hostel at night requires endless letters of permission from your parents, your local guardian—to be approved by the warden, and the dean of residence. There is absolutely no question of men being allowed into these sacrosanct spaces; girls with boyfriends are reduced to shameful exigencies, from courting in public spaces to making out in the bushes, exposing themselves to even greater trauma.

Girls have been asked where they are really going—why they are going where they are going; one friend of mine was even told to produce the brother she claimed to be leaving with.

Like the violence in the streets, this is another way of controlling women. And it produces good results. Women, in my college at least, are largely politically inactive. In all my years in DU, I have never smelt even a whiff of a female candidate in all your powerful student unions. GR When I heard about the Nirbhaya rape and assault, I was staggered and distraught by the violence against the girl.

At the same time, as the mother of a year-old girl, I was also horrified to hear that Nirbhaya had climbed onto a bus with tinted glasses late in the evening. The bus had five young males in it, and she had probably thought her boyfriend a safe enough escort. Did Nirbhaya have no self-preservation instinct? In the matter of clothes as with women smoking in publicit is in today to show cleavage, to reveal all of the leg openly or in tight leggings.

In a class-caste riven India where the poor, on the one hand, are systematically deprived of their entitlements, but can easily and visibly see—on cinema, on television, on the roads of metros, in the top-end cars, malls and shopping centres—how the rich live and spend, what do clothes signify?

Both middle and rich men and women are complicit in a system that keeps the poor down. Clothes have the added dimension of a Western notion of femininity thrust upon us — the clean-shaven legs, arms, underarms and upper lip, signifying the infantile unnatural absence of hair, the hour glass figure and both cleavage and legs marking a come-hither stance.

LG A wide-spread claim is that violence against women is somehow a class phenomenon. I see my fight against such popular culture the same as the fight against an illiberal college space. I agree that popular culture in India goes a long way in re-enforcing patriarchy.A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What's that suppose to mean? In my heart, it don't mean a thing. Mother-in-law relationships may get all the press, and the jokes, but mother-daughter conflict is all too common.

Many times the root of the conflict is the mother whose heart does not recognize that a daughter is "grown. Family rifts that are not repaired can lead to grandparents being estranged from their grandchildrenonce children are born. Avoiding conflict is almost always better than repairing it. Understanding some of the common causes of conflict is the first step.

The Problem: An adult daughter is moving toward independence; thus the primary movement is away from the mother. The mother sometimes experiences this as a loss and makes efforts to draw her daughter back.

In attempting to keep the mother-daughter connection alive, the mother may ask questions that the daughter sees as intrusive, or give advice, which the daughter interprets as interfering. Deborah Tannenthe author of numerous books on family dynamics, writes, "Given mothers' overactive improvement glands and daughters' overactive disapproval sensors, mother-daughter is a high-risk relationship.

The Solution: Whenever possible, mothers should express confidence in their daughter's choices. This is a hard step for mothers for several reasons. First, it's hard to let go of the conviction that mother knows best. Second, most mothers are champion worriers, and it's hard for them to resist the impulse to sound the alarm about some of the dire things that they envision happening.

In fact, there is no way for mothers or anyone else to insulate family members from the possibility of calamity. Life is a risk-taking endeavor. Although one should never endorse careless risks, mothers who are constantly warning of impending disaster are misguided. They also are not much fun to be around. Relationships that are based primarily on talk run into difficulties sooner or later; it is human nature to say something that one shouldn't. The Solution: Some suggest that mothers and daughters should take a page from the men's book and concentrate on doing things together.

A very beautiful conversation between a mother and daughter.

The Problem: When mothers and daughters are separated by distance, a different set of problems arises. Women communicate best face-to-face, as they tend to be skilled at picking up on tone, body language, and other cues. When they have to communicate by phone, email, text and other means, they may experience more misunderstandings as well as a general loss of closeness.

Facetime and Skype allow users to observe facial expression, body language, and voice quality. Whether they are using the phone or a video chat function, wise mothers do a mental run-through before they get started.

What are some safe topics of conversation, and what topics should be avoided?The large numbers of Muslim girls who had earlier come here for higher education had dwindled rapidly, and the upper caste Telangana Hindu gentry that was now sending its sons here was not sending its girls. In my Department of Mathematics, we were three girls to maybe fifty boys. It was not easy to be a girl on the campus.

conversation between mother and daughter about marriage

Parents at home and the ruling masculine ethos at college meant that the girl was responsible for any issues. I have never been molested or harassed in Delhi—beyond catcalling on the roads, I have never been pawed or groped on the buses or the metros—and I have travelled on these on a regular basis. College [for an undergraduate student in Delhi University DU is illiberal. I do not know if it is the case all over India, but it was certainly the case with me. We are treated like children, our views not respected or considered.

Nor were the girls to be locked into their blocks after ten pm. In hindsight, I wonder how such a demand could have been implemented in the first place—it was so full of contradictions. We have two entrances—both guarded all day, unguarded only when they are locked from ten in the night to six in the morning. GR We learnt to survive in that atmosphere [OU] because education was precious to us, and also learnt to fight, because personhood, even if one was a woman, was no less important, and these were the heady days of the feminist movement.

Heady, because it was really only in the head, one had to be so careful outside there. My heroines when I was in college were Satyamma Srinath because she drove a scooter from her house in Tarnaka to Reddy College where she taught and Vanaja Iyengar who taught maths in our Department, and smoked with ease in the staff room.

A little later, they were joined as heroines by Veena Shatrugna and Rama Melkote because they wore sleeveless blouses. Writing this, I sense how funny it may seem today when women drive scooters and cars and wear a whole range of clothes, but in those days, these were women who were different and proclaimed their difference in public, not inside the four walls of their homes.

14 Things Your Daughter-in-Law Wants to Tell You

I am engrossed in my studies, and ambitions, and am usually blithely unconscious of the beautiful actress on the billboards and on televisions and magazine covers, simply because I encounter her so little. It withered.

Anything that hinders such a goal is not to be stood for. Women in the university are controlled to a terrifying extent.Are you a working woman? Ask the authors dead and alive who communicated with me and gave me the courage to be myself.

Our third winning entry is by Deepa Arun. Mother: What have you done to yourself? Why did you take this brave plunge? Mother: You should have waited till your marriage. What will you tell your father and relatives? Your nosy aunt has got a whiff of your pregnancy. Let her lie on it. I gave you freedom. I backed you to pursue further studies in Dramatics in Delhi. I thought you were sensible.

He, being a commando, lost his life in the commando operations. My poor girl,now look at yourself! You can neither mourn whole-heartedlyfor the loss of your love nor celebrate the life growing within you.

You are an unwed mother of an unborn baby. Daughter: Mother, it is true that I moved fast in making decisions. He was planning to come home so that we could tell you both of our love. We had dreamed of a life of togetherness. But life played a cruel joke on us. I lost him, though I have a tiny life of his and mine, within me.

I am going to bring up our child in this world. Mother: Life is a reality, not a scene from your play.

How to Navigate Tricky Mother-Daughter Relationships

The scripts, thoughts and books you indulge in are music to the five senses. That is the world of books. The real world, however, is full of gossip and hypocrisy. How will you answer all the cruel questions thrown at you by the so-called righteous society?

They will humiliate you, call you different names and throw us out of the community. Daughter: Mother, it is true that my thoughts are influenced by the books I read. My freethinking will destabilize the societal foundation. My love for him was true. We were going to be married when the brutal bolt of reality struck us.

15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships

I lost him, but my womb has become a home for our love. Everything would have been fine, if he was alive and married me.Bonds between some daughters- and mothers-in-law are sometimes compared to the close friendship that Ruth and Naomi enjoyed Ruth But far too many women describe this relationship as fragile, tense, and even competitive.

Recently I asked some friends a few simple questions about in-laws. I was amazed by the number of replies I received about mothers-in-law. I also was surprised by the depth of their emotion. Her memories are still painful. Until … the topic turned to how many turkey dinners the in-laws had eaten in the last two months and how much better homemade cranberry sauce is than the canned version.

I received a three-page response from another daughter-in-law about an overnight visit from her mother- and sister-in-law. At one point, the mother-in-law was lying on the couch with a migraine as she directed her own daughter to clean the house.

The young girl complained that everything was already clean. Another woman poured her heart out to me. Although she and her husband have been married for more than three decades, she still feels that, no matter what she does, she will never measure up to the standards of her mother-in-law.

She loves Jesus with her whole heart and that is what makes her so valuable. From these and other stories, I realized that daughters-in-laws want to say a lot! Love unconditionally but also understand your correct place in the relationship with your child.

Expect and encourage him to consult with his wife. Good mamas want their kids to have good marriages. This can be done lovingly and constructively. Remember that Satan wants to destroy your relationship. Compliment your daughter-in-law; never criticize. A good mother-in-law encourages, accepts, and loves unconditionally. Every change that you see in your son is not her doing.

Show some interest in the things that are most important to them … even if you think they are making wacky decisions. Know that if their decision is a mistake, it will be a learning opportunity for them. Talk about more than superficial things. It encourages her when you ask her to go shopping and then ask her opinion about a purchase.

Show your daughter-in-law that you truly appreciate her input and enjoy being with her. The comment that she may hear that sounds rude to her, or the action that may come across as hurtful like a missed birthday card is usually the dumb stumble of an imperfect person me. I often feel that every action is interpreted in the worst light as a personal affront against her.Are you a working woman? Ask the authors dead and alive who communicated with me and gave me the courage to be myself.

Our third winning entry is by Deepa Arun. Mother: What have you done to yourself? Why did you take this brave plunge? Mother: You should have waited till your marriage. What will you tell your father and relatives? Your nosy aunt has got a whiff of your pregnancy.

Let her lie on it. I gave you freedom. I backed you to pursue further studies in Dramatics in Delhi. I thought you were sensible. He, being a commando, lost his life in the commando operations. My poor girl,now look at yourself! You can neither mourn whole-heartedlyfor the loss of your love nor celebrate the life growing within you. You are an unwed mother of an unborn baby. Daughter: Mother, it is true that I moved fast in making decisions. He was planning to come home so that we could tell you both of our love.

We had dreamed of a life of togetherness. But life played a cruel joke on us. I lost him, though I have a tiny life of his and mine, within me. I am going to bring up our child in this world. Mother: Life is a reality, not a scene from your play. The scripts, thoughts and books you indulge in are music to the five senses. That is the world of books. The real world, however, is full of gossip and hypocrisy.

‘Married at First Sight’: Katie Had an Ultra-Tense Conversation With Her Mom About Derek

How will you answer all the cruel questions thrown at you by the so-called righteous society? They will humiliate you, call you different names and throw us out of the community. Daughter: Mother, it is true that my thoughts are influenced by the books I read. My freethinking will destabilize the societal foundation. My love for him was true. We were going to be married when the brutal bolt of reality struck us.

I lost him, but my womb has become a home for our love.Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse. Some mothers and daughters are best friends. Others talk once a week. Some see each other weekly; others live in different states or countries. Some spar regularly. Some avoid conflict. Others talk through everything.

There also are ups and downs, no matter how positive or prickly the relationship.

conversation between mother and daughter about marriage

In her private practice, Roni Cohen-SandlerPh. A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflictsees three primary complaints that daughters have about their moms: Moms try to parent them and are overly critical and demanding. Whatever your relationship with your mother or daughter, you can always make improvements. Doing so inevitably leaves relationships stuck.

conversation between mother and daughter about marriage

Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. Interestingly, this can still alter your relationship. Think of it as a dance, she said. When one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes. Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. For instance, kids commonly think their mom will be nurturing and present — always.

This idea can develop from an early age. When her kids were young, Mintle found herself setting up this unrealistic belief during their nightly reading time. Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on.

This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too, she said. Not resolving conflict can have surprising consequences. But pick your battles. Instead of arguing about something so small, Mintle put the hat on and moved on. But a panoramic lens provides a much wider view, letting us see the object in a larger context.

Mintle views forgiveness as key for well-being. It can be challenging for daughters to build their own identities.


thoughts on “Conversation between mother and daughter about marriage

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *